my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
