I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
