we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
