did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i need an iv and a liver transplant
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
