dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
