apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
