So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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