I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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