i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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