Kiss
Puke
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
