where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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