kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
