Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You can't special order awesome
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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