You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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