Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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