Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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