He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
