I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
