Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
