he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
