The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
