I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
