i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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