IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
