We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
