i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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