apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
