I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
