So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
