Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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