Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
