I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
