u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
