craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
