If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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