Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so let's talk penis.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
