its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
