about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
