Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
