i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You're like the curious george of whores
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
