i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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