I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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