My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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