goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
