Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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