I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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