Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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