I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
