So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
