Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
