I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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